Growing!

We took Hannah back to Shriners Hospital today to meet with her prosthetist, Mr. Wayne. Since she first got her prosthesis back in February, her left leg has grown 1.5 inches, her left foot has grown, and her little right leg (the leg on which she wears her prosthesis) has grown as well! We are so very blessed. Mr. Wayne made a mold of her little right leg and will begin making her a new prosthesis. She'll have it in about two weeks!


I failed to take the camera to the hospital to get pictures of Mr. Wayne making a mold of Hannah's leg, but I did get this picture taken after the fact. These markings on Hannah's leg were actually drawn onto the mold so that Mr. Wayne would know exactly where her knee, etc... were. The ink went through the mold and onto Hannah's leg. When Mr. Wayne was done marking everything, the image looked like a gingerbread man :) It was very cute.

Hannah did wonderfully while Mr. Wayne took measurements and made of mold of her little leg. She's a trooper!

Love

As the kids sat at the kitchen table eating a snack the other evening, Hannah scooted up next to Joshua (or JoJosh as she calls him), put her arm around him, and said, "JoJosh....Love you." It was truly a precious moment.

Father, please continue to mold this brother/sister relationship. May they have an amazing love for You, for each other, and for those around them. Thank You for Your amazing grace.

Worry...Again :)

I've always been one to worry, but ever since Hannah was born, I worry about things that used to never even be on my radar as possible things to worry about. Life is so much more fragile than I ever truly realized it to be. And now with the H1N1 flu running throughout our country, I worry again. And with the controversy over the H1N1 flu vaccine, I worry even more. What is the best thing for me to do for MY family? I realize the possibility of negative outcomes from either contracting the H1N1 flu or getting the H1N1 flu vaccine are rare, yet what if someone in my family is that rare case? After all, Hannah's leg condition is rare...and having that condition in both legs is, from my understanding, even more rare. I guess the positive outcomes actually outweighing the negative outcomes is difficult for me to see these days.

Father, please give me wisdom to do what's best for my children.

We've Come So Far

Today, I received past medical records from my ob/gyn's office in Florida. I had such a wonderful doctor there. As I looked through the records this afternoon, my eyes filled with tears remembering the journey of my pregnancy with Hannah. It was such a difficult time for me both physically and emotionally. Yet, to see how far God has brought us, my heart is so full of joy. Oh, this journey called life is such a roller coaster at times :)

At any rate.....

I watched the video last night of Hannah taking some of her very first steps, and my heart once again leaped for joy! What a blessing to revisit that day. And how amazing it is to see how far she's come in just four short months!! So I thought I'd give a little update on just how well she's getting around these days. Today, I took a couple short one minute videos of Hannah playing. She is doing wonderfully with her prosthesis, and I am so pleased that, lately, she hasn't seemed to need her left leg brace. She still falls at times when her little ankle rolls, but it doesn't seem to phase her. We go back to Shriners Hospital in December, and I'm really praying that the doctors will agree with my assessment that she no longer needs to wear that big, old, honkin' brace!! :)

My heart is so full of joy. I hope you enjoy seeing our two precious children. Thank you, again, for sharing in our journey!! May God be glorified.

Poem

A sweet friend (whom I've never actually met in person) recently sent me the following poem she wrote for her little girl who also has Fibular Hemimelia:

I look at you and here is what I see…
I see the beauty in your eyes when you’re looking at me.What a gift from God to have sight.
I see the beauty in your face as you turn to smile.What a gift from God to bring such joy.
I see the beauty in your soul as you bow your head to pray.What a gift from God to have such a thankful heart.
I see the beauty in your laugh as I tickle your tummy.What a gift from God to hear you giggle.
I see the beauty in your arms as you wrap them around me.What a gift from God to touch other people.
I see the beauty in your legs as you run and dance and play.What a gift from God to move your body in such wonderful ways.
I see the beauty in your legs. I see the beauty in your foot. I see the beauty in your toes.They are not perfect as the world sees them but they are perfect to me. As I see all the gifts God has given you, your legs are only one part of your body. We all have life journeys that sometimes take us down dark roads but don’t ever let the darkness overtake you. Live in the light. Life is a journey. Life is a gift. Life is beautiful. Thanks be to God for all his wondrous gifts!

Kathryn M.

Thank you, Kathryn, for these beautiful words. And thank You, God, for our beautiful little girls You've perfectly created. Thank You.

Oops!

On Labor Day, we packed up the kids and made our way to Virginia to visit with friends for the night. It was a very quick trip, but such a blessing.

We stopped at Wendy's for lunch on our way to Virginia. Unfortunately, the kids weren't very hungry. I guess I allowed them to eat one too many snacks in the car.....my fault :) So after Brian and I scarfed down our burgers and fries, we gathered our belongings to leave. While Brian and Joshua made their way out to the car, Hannah and I lagged behind a little. And just as Hannah walked beside a table of a family of six eating their lunch, she fell down. I quickly noticed that her prosthetic leg had fallen off as she was walking which caused her to fall. And if you didn't know she wore a prosthetic leg, you'd have thought she broke her real leg in the fall the way she and her prosthesis were lying there. :) So I quickly swept her and her leg up off the floor not wanting to freak out the family of six sitting there at the table! Hannah and I sat at a nearby table as I put her prosthesis back on. And as we made our second trip past this table of a family of six, I said to the family with a smile..."I'm so sorry. I hope that didn't scare you." One of the men sitting there just chuckled and said, "No, not at all."

While I was able to laugh about this incident as it happened, once I got settled in the car and we began the remainder of our drive, tears filled my eyes. The majority of the time, things like this are just so normal for our family. But, there are times when the reality of things just hits me. While on this earth, Hannah will never know what it's like to walk on two of her very own legs...and sometimes that stings. My continued prayer is that my baby girl (and sweet son) asks Jesus into her heart. And on that day when Jesus calls her Home (prayerfully many, many, many, many, many, many years from now!!), my beautiful baby girl WILL STAND in the presence of our most Loving God. What an amazing day that will be. What an amazing sight it will be to see my sweet girl walking and running freely without a prosthetic device. Oh, what an amazing day that will be!!!

Funny Sayings

Today, Hannah wore a University of Kentucky t-shirt that used to be Joshua's when he was Hannah's age. When Joshua saw her wearing it he stated, "That looks just like me....expect Hannah only has one leg, I have two." :)

Remembering

It's been two years this month since we first learned of Hannah, while still in my womb, missing her lower right leg (we did not find out about her left leg until her birth). I remember it like it was yesterday. Brian and I had arranged for Joshua to stay with his Florida "grandparents" while we traveled the 45 minutes to our doctor's office for our 22 week ultrasound. We had planned on having a lunch date after the appointment to celebrate our sweet baby.

I remember vividly sitting in the ultrasound waiting room feeling nervous...something just didn't feel right to me. But as I sat next to my wonderful husband and looked through magazines, I tried to push back those crazy thoughts. I've always been one to worry needlessly.

As the technician conducted the ultrasound, she shared the exciting news that we were having a baby girl. At one point, I asked if she ever had to share difficult news with expectant mothers. She replied, "Sometimes I do." That small conversation with her proved to be quite ironic. And looking back on those moments, I realize the technician never showed us our baby's feet. She never even commented about her little legs. The technician handled everything with such poise and gentleness that we didn't even sense something was amiss.

Once the ultrasound was complete, we (excited of the news of having a baby girl) walked down the hall to meet with my ob/gyn. When they called me back, I told Brian he could just sit in the waiting room (he was very interested in the magazine he was looking through...it was probably a food magazine :). The nurse took me back to check my blood pressure and weight. At one point she excused herself for a moment. Upon her return, she stated that I may want to have my husband come back to the exam room with me. Hearing this, I became very nervous. I walked out to the waiting room and told Brian they wanted him back there with me. I remember telling him, "I think something's wrong."

We nervously waited in the exam room. Brian remained very calm, not yet too concerned. But as for me....I couldn't sit still. I stood looking out the window, then sat on the exam table, then stood up again and walked around. What was taking my doctor so long?? I'll never forget those next few moments. My doctor came in and sat on her stool holding the ultrasound results as I nervously sat a few feet away from her on the exam table. She first went through the report sharing the good things....our baby girl's brain looked good, her heart looked good, her lungs looked good... I kept waiting for the word "but..." And then it came...."but she has only one foot." With that my heart sank and the tears came gushing. Brian sweetly held me as we tried to comprehend what we just heard. The rest of the visit is somewhat of a blur. My doctor did ask (knowing what our answer would be but stating that she still had to ask) if we wanted to have an abortion. To this day, my heart aches over hearing those words. Even through the pain of this difficult news, this was our baby...GOD had graciously given us this precious little girl. It hurts to think someone would abort a baby simply because he/she is "different." Before we left the office, they set us up for a Level II ultrasound with a specialist at a nearby hospital to look for any other possible complications with our sweet baby. To our dismay, we had to wait two long weeks before having that ultrasound.

I tried to maintain my composure as we walked down the hallway to the leave the building. But I just couldn't make it. I slipped into a bathroom feeling so sick and nauseous. I just couldn't wrapped my brain around this sudden information.

Brian and I shared very few words after that appointment as we both struggled to comprehend what we just heard. As we sat in a booth at Panera Bread in Gainesville, FL tears flowed from our eyes. Through his tears, Brian slowly lifted a humble prayer, "God, thank You for Your grace." With that we settled on naming our sweet baby girl Hannah which means grace. Hannah in the Bible was a woman of prayer and faith.

The next few months were very difficult emotionally and physically. I cried, I prayed, I asked God why. I knelt beside my bed and read God's Word trying to understand what was happening. There were days when I just didn't have the words to pray....I just sat and cried in God's presence. There were nights when I saw my baby girl in my dreams. Those were difficult nights. There were days when I didn't feel like eating (I later learned that I lost weight during this time, but I'm so thankful my doctor did not make it an issue...she knew I was still trying to process everything). I was grieving for my baby girl.

It's been a long, difficult, blessed journey. I praise God for this beautiful little girl He's blessed us with. I can't imagine life without her. And while we still have difficult days and many unanswered questions....while we still wait to see how her little legs develop...we are forever thankful for this beautiful blessing. Words can't describe the love I have for our sweet Hannah. Words can't describe how she fills my heart with joy.

Thank You, Jesus, for allowing us to take this journey with You and with our sweet baby girl.