Sweet Stories

As Joshua and I rocked the other day, I mentioned how he was almost getting too big for me to rock him, and that I didn't want him to grow up. A few minutes later, he said..."Momma, I don't want to grow up...because then we can't rock. I think you should pray, 'God, help my son not grow up.'" After talking a few more minutes about how we all grow up and how I really DO want him to grow up, he said, "I'll pray...God, help me not grow up. Amen."

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The other day, I explained to Joshua that those little chocolate candies are called Hershey's Kisses. He then asked, "Because they kiss your tummy?"

Father, thank you for such a sweet boy!

Most Days

Most days, I'm fine. I try not to let my mind wonder too far in advance or think of all the "what ifs." But there are other times when I'm caught up in my worry. Many times, those moments come as I'm just sitting, holding Hannah. Those quiet moments right before nap time or bed time when it's just the two of us.

With her surgery date just over two weeks away, I'm growing more anxious about those last moments before her surgery...about the night before her surgery when it's just her and me in the hospital room. Will I be able to put her down for bed, or will I hold her all night? What will those moments right before her surgery be like? I pray that she is not fearful of all the happenings around her, but that God gives her peace that can only come from Him.

I'm also growing more concerned about her left leg. While she is a very determined little girl and she pulls herself up to stand on that leg, her ankle still rolls in. She stands on the inside of her foot...and only for a few seconds at a time. Before we knew of the condition of her left leg, I always imagined her being able to hop on that leg if she needed to get someplace without her right prosthesis (for instance, getting to the bathroom in the middle of the night). But she may not have that capability.

I'm trying to just take one thing at a time. We'll get her through this first surgery, get that right prosthesis, try a brace on the left leg....and THEN we'll see what we're dealing with. But it's just hard. It's hard seeing pictures of my friend's daughter (who is three months younger than Hannah) standing. It's hard thinking that when Joshua was this age, he had already learned to walk. But I'm also reminded of children and families going through far more strenuous circumstances. Yesterday, I was told of a three-month-old baby girl whose heart developed on the wrong side of her chest. I'm reminded of a sweet family who lost their precious baby boy this past June (he was Hannah's age and fought so hard to stay alive).

So, through my worry and sadness, God reminds me of His amazing grace. We still have our little Hannah. While she may have difficulty walking, she is still our sweet Hannah full of so much joy. She can truly lighten up any room.

I'm reminded of the lunch my husband, Brian, and I had immediately following our 22nd week ultrasound where we found out our baby girl was missing her right foot. What was supposed to be a celebratory lunch, turned into a very somber time for us. We were grieving over our daughter's "loss." Through his tears, Brian offered up a very simple prayer..."God, thank You for Your grace."

Perspective

As Joshua, Hannah, and I waved good bye to Brian as he left for church tonight, I said to Joshua, "Sometimes it's hard when Daddy leaves, isn't it?" He said, "Yes, but God is always with me." Wow...what a profound statement coming from such a little boy!

Father, please incline Joshua's and Hannah's hearts toward You. Draw them to You. May they love You and desire to obey You. Thank You for Your love and forgiveness.

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Hannah

My Dear Hannah,
It is so hard to believe that you are now one year old! It seems like just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant with you! Today, you, Joshua, and I picked you out a beautiful balloon that read "Happy Birthday, Princess." Then Joshua helped me make and decorate cupcakes for you (we had cupcake sprinkles all over the place!!!). After eating a spaghetti dinner as a family (you really liked it!) we opened your presents and then you had your very first cupcake! Joshua made you a very special gift. He cut out pictures from a magazine he thought you'd like to look at and put them in a soft photo album just for you. You loved it! So many people called you today to wish you "Happy Birthday." The congregation at church tonight even sang to you! It was a wonderful day of celebrating your birth!

Hannah, you are such an amazing little girl, and I cannot imagine life without you. When we first found out about your right leg while you were still in my womb, the doctor asked if we wanted to abort the pregnancy. Without hesitation, we said no. God has formed you for His glory, for His purpose, BEAUTIFULLY the way you are! He has already taught me so much through your first year of life, and for that I am thankful beyond words. You have a beautiful personality and a heart full of joy. I praise God for allowing me to be your mother!

In a few short weeks, you will be having surgery on your right leg. A few weeks after that, you will be fitted for a prosthesis and a leg brace. Your daddy and I are not looking forward to you having surgery. But we are so excited for that day when you get your first leg and brace, and we are so excited to see you take those first steps...my heart leaps for joy just thinking about it! You have such determination. (You've been pulling yourself to a standing position on your left leg more and more lately.) I think we will all be surprised at how quickly you walk with your new leg!

You may need additional surgery down the road and things may be hard for you at times both physically and emotionally. But always rest assured that Daddy, Joshua, and Momma are always by your side. We will walk with you through those difficult times. We will rejoice with you in your joy. We love you more than words can describe. Yet, (as difficult as it is for me to fathom) God loves you so much more than we could ever love you. Yes, we will always be here for you, but God is the only One that can be your Rock. He is the only One that can save you. He is the only One that can truly comfort you and love you and strengthen you in those times of need. Our prayer is that you will always run to Him.

I love you so dearly, my sweet Hannah. You are such a blessing to our lives. May God draw you to Himself and use you to glorify Him. May God sustain you and strengthen you. May God be your love.

With Love Beyond Words,
Your Momma

What?!?!?!

I would just like to vent for a moment...While at Wal-Mart this morning, an older gentlemen walked up to our shopping cart (Hannah was sitting in the shopping cart seat) and began literally looking for Hannah's right foot! More than once, I commented that she was born with only one foot, but it was as if he did not believe me. He even began pulling her pant leg up a little bit saying "I bet it's in there some place." What was he thinking!! That really has me upset right now!!

Jesus

I love the snow! Today was the first time in over three years that I drove in the snow. As the kids and I drove to Wal-mart this morning, I prayed out loud thanking God for the snow and asking His to keep us safe. A few minutes later, Joshua asked if we were going to die :) After quietly laughing to myself, I decided to take that opportunity to tell Joshua again about asking Jesus into his life. I know he doesn't quite understand, but I earnestly pray that God will draw Joshua (and Hannah) to Himself.

Thank You, Father for that opportunity. Please give Joshua the understanding he needs to ask You into his life.

Being An Example

While Hannah was sleeping and Joshua was in his room for quiet time the other day, I sat down to read my Bible...but my Bible was nowhere to be found. Trying not to stress about this (as you can tell from my blog, I tend to stress quite a bit!), I decided to just go ahead and read a different book I had began reading a while back ago. A few minutes later, Joshua came into my room...carrying my Bible! When I asked where he found it, he stated "I was just reading it." :) My heart melted. Joshua does not yet know how to read, but what I learned that day is that he sure is watching his daddy and me as we try our best to model godly behavior. Many times, we miss the mark, but prayerfully Joshua and Hannah will grow up with their hearts turned toward the Lord.

Father, thank you for blessing us with such precious children. Please draw them to You. Turn their hearts to You. May their lives forever give You all the glory.

Safe

I rarely rock Hannah to sleep at night. Most nights, I read her a story, lie her in bed, and she peacefully drifts off to sleep. However, tonight was an exceptionally difficult night for her (it is 10PM and she just got to sleep). As she drifted off to sleep in my arms tonight, I felt so blessed that she felt so safe. I'm so honored that she feels comforted and safe in my arms.

Those thoughts of her feeling safe immediately led me to thinking about the day of her upcoming surgery. I can't bare that thought of her being scared. I want her to feel safe and secure. I can't bare the thought of handing her over to the surgeon and nurses. I want to be there with her in that operating room to hold her hand and kiss her sweet face. I want to be with her in the recovery room...what if she wakes up from surgery before I'm allowed to be with her? What if she feels scared?

My thoughts then led to the desire for Hannah not only to feel safe physically, but to feel safe spiritually as well. What I mean by that is, ultimately, only God can truly comfort her. Ultimately, only God can guard her heart and mind. So not only should I yearn to comfort her physically, but I should yearn to teach her (through my words and actions) about our one, true, amazing God.

This past week, Deuteronomy 6:6-7 has been the scripture verse I have taken to heart...."These words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart. You should teach them diligently to your sons and talk of them as you sit in your house and as you walk by the way and as you lie down and as you rise up." I have made this my focus with Joshua these past few days...making God's Word part of our everyday lives. It is amazing to see the impact on his little heart and his thoughts in just a few short days. I look forward to teaching Hannah as she grows as well.

Father, please help Hannah to feel safe and secure before, during, and after her surgery. May the surgery go smoothly with no complications and may she come out of the anesthesia peacefully. Please give me the opportunity to comfort her very soon after surgery. May she feel safe in my arms. And please guard Joshua's and Hannah's hearts. Please draw them to You and set them apart for Your glory. Comfort them always, guard them always, and may they forever know of Your love and forgiveness.